you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
