You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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