so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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