I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
