Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
