If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
