Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
