Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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