we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize