just tell him i said nine months
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize