bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
