She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
