I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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