Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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