he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
