sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize