we have officially lost it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize