I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize