My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
