My sheets look like a crime scene.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
