She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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