I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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