dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
