Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
