Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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