I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
