she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
