yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
