is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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