like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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