She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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