you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
