I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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