I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
