When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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