After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
