ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
