im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
