I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
