apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize