I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
