Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
