I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
