I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
