I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
