If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
