He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize