Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
