he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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