I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
