She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
