She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
