I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
