I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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