I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
