based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
