I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize