One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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