i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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