He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
