We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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