Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
