Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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