My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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