Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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