i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
