i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
