I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
