Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
