Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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