the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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