I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
