Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
